Monday, December 16, 2013

The prayer of an honest Stay at Home Mom

Father, I'm tired. I feel worn. Just like this hair elastic on my wrist that has held back my unwashed hair today. It looks as though it will fray and break any time now.

I scraped dried up oatmeal off my neck yesterday after church. The girls' breakfast. Not my most feminine accessory.

The piles of dishes and laundry whisper behind my back. They know I'm not good enough. The bills and the toddler tug at the leg of my sweat pants. The budget and the babies beg for attention.

The whine, the bang, the wears on my heart, Father. I long for quiet.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you have called me to this blessed task, and yet, most days I feel so unworthy. My temper is short, my patience thin, and my selfishness at large. Could there have been a mistake?

And in the rare occasion that I have done an exceptional job, there are very few to appreciate my blood sweat and tears. Okay, so mostly tears. There are no pats on the back or promotions. Do you see me God? Your word says that you do. Will you help me to believe your promises? Why didn't you tell me about the oatmeal on my neck?

These littles are so precious. I want them to have far more than what I can give. I want them to have you. And I'm such a poor representation. Love on me today, Lord. I need your romance, your humor, your encouragement.

Your Called Daughter

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

A Letter To My Girls

Dear Penny and Dear Airlie,

The longer I live in this world, the more I long for the next. There is so much ugly here, and knowing that it only gets worse, makes me fearful of the kind of world you will live in when you're 28. I'd like to share some things with you that have been on my heart.

First of all, I hope facebook totally implodes before you are old enough to come home begging for a page of your own. Sure, it's a great way to keep in touch with friends and family, and I do so love some things about it. But the endless stream of selfies and drama literally turns my stomach. Please be confident enough in your identity in Christ that you don't need to post a new suggestive picture of yourself every week. Your body is covered in God's fingerprints which makes you drop-dead gorgeous. You don't need anyone else's approval of that.

Which brings me to my second point. Your body is such a gift. Treat it as a treasure! No one deserves to see your naked body except for your future husband. God has an incredibly creative, hot, sensitive guy who plays the guitar like your daddy just waiting for you. Allow God to cultivate your integrity so that you will be able to give him your very best (God and your hot guy.)

Also, love is not a feeling. When you meet your creative, hot, sensitive guy you will probably just lose all of your senses. I did over your dad. But the core of love is so much more than that. Love is giving the other person permission to struggle. Love is giving the other longer than they deserve to correct a mistake. Love is holding your tongue. It's not all about happy, happy, happy. Love and marriage can be downright painful sometimes, but it is so worth the fight because God designed marriage to be an example of what His love is for you. Sacrificial, unconditional, and never ending.

Finally, please always remember who you are and whose you are. You are a daughter of God, which makes you a princess. An heir to the kingdom of the one true God. Not to mention, you are a Layden, which comes with pretty hefty standards of its own. : )  Your daddy and I love you girls more than you realize. Until you have kids of your own of course. At which time, I hope your walk with Christ is so much more than what mine is today.


Wednesday, January 30, 2013

A Heart Full

I got quite a response when people found out I was having twins. But not much of it was really positive. I heard:

"Oh, bless your heart..."
"Better you than me!"
"Oh boy..."
"Well you're just gonna have your hands full, aren't you?"

The last one being the most common. I finally started agreeing with folks and asking if they wanted to schedule a time to come over and take a shift. This especially surprises strangers. 

Psalm 127:3-5 says, "Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of  a warrior are children born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court."

Children are a reward! I am blessed because of them. So what if I have Lansinoh dried onto my wedding ring. I'm thankful I have a wedding ring and a courageous partner to share this adventure with. So what if it takes me longer to get everyone in the car than it takes to run the actual errand. I'm blessed that I and my children are healthy enough to venture out and make that bank deposit (when so many are spending their first month in the NICU). And so what if my bed has become a changing table. Spit up dries pretty quickly when you dab it with a cloth diaper. And honestly, I'm too tired to even notice if I've left a couple of wet diapers at the end of the bed. I'll find them in the morning! 

With three babes under three at home, yes, my hands are full. But more importantly, my quiver is full and so is my heart.