A couple of Sundays ago, I shared a message with our church family, confessing my heart for us all to be utterly overwhelmed by Christ. Overwhelmed by our heavenly Father. But that wasn't all I confessed.
I painted a picture for them of my frustration in preparing that message in the weeks leading up to that very morning. I told them about how I sat many nights in front of a blank computer screen totally discouraged and ungratified because encouraging words about being overwhelmed for Christ would not spill out of me. It was a most devilish form of writer's block.
I finally fell to my knees under my burden of frustration and just said, "What God? Why won't you move?"
And just like that, I felt a whisper in my heart that said...
You cannot give what you do not have. You cannot convey or explain what it looks like to be totally awe-struck by me, because you, yourself, are not in awe of me. You cannot give what you do not have.
And I sank.
Because there was a not-so-distant time when I was so head over heels in love with God for the power he shook my life with. I have lived through many events that just left me stunned for Him. Overwhelmed by Him. And here I sat, with a blank computer screen and a blank space where my passion should be churning.
I finished my message by reminding my small church family of parts of my story, and suggesting that those days, those battles, those victories should leave me totally ruined for Him. Nothing else should ever be able to satisfy me.
I encouraged us all to recount our own incredible stories, to soak in them, and to become overwhelmed by them.
And then today happened.
My study of 1 and 2 Thessalonians (Children of the Day by Beth Moore) required me to consider the last 18 months of my life.
I wrote the exact date down in purple ink. 18 months behind today. October 1, 2013. Oh my precious God.
What horrific and painful and absolutely jaw-dropping, beautiful things have happened in the last 18 months. I have not succumbed to depression, but I have surely battled it. I have lived in spiritual warfare so thick, that I thought at any minute I would feel a cold, clamy hand on my throat. I have actually experienced first-hand the blinding glory of the heavenly Father swoop in and fight for me. I have realized and accepted that He takes any attack on me personally. Oh sweet Jesus. Can someone be excited with me?
Consider me overwhelmed.
What the heck is your story, friend? I just have to know! Someone come to coffee with me. Email me. Call me for heaven's sake and share in this fire.
How has God totally overwhelmed you?